


Floating

by Miranda_tries_their_best



Series: Shades of Depression [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: And being way too hard on himself, Depression, Mentions of Lice because Remus can't make anything normal, Self-Worth Issues, it's just a bunch of Depression being Depressed, kinda venty, motivation issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22139581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miranda_tries_their_best/pseuds/Miranda_tries_their_best
Summary: Depression will probably feel bad for not feeling bad later but for now, he picks at the white feathers the poke out from his pillow. It is an old pillow that lacks a pillowcase, not that he doesn't have one, there's one in the pile of clean clothes he just dumped on the floor that he never got around to using. God, he really needs to get to actually putting away his clothes. He should probably do that now, while he's awake and nothing's stopping him.The dark side turns in his bed to face away from the mess, pulling the weighted blanket up to his nose as he curls up.Or, Depression struggles to do something productive and decides to just nap instead.
Series: Shades of Depression [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573210
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	Floating

Depression often felt like he was on the edge of fading away with how little he was ever awake and how exhausted he it the few times got out of bed. It always felt like he's barely existing and any second the energy Thomas took to create him those many years ago will evaporate back into the subconscious.

Logically, the dark side knew he wasn't fading. He knew he would be able to tell when the mindscape finally deemed him useless and turned him back into a lesser function but Depression wasn't Logic and could only think to associate the ache in his hands and numbness in his chest to the sensation of his existence disappearing. He had to admit it was rather pathetic how Thomas always kept him around, even without knowing it. Like the host was clinging onto an old sadness.

Not that it was really their host's fault, Thomas would probably whoosh most of the dark sides away if he could... No, he wouldn't. Thomas cares too much, even if he hated the dark side of him. Depression doubts Thomas would really wish harm on any of them.

The raven would normally feel bad for just assuming the worst of his host but at the moment he was only met with apathy for the situation, Depression will probably feel bad for not feeling bad later but for now, he picks at the white feathers the poke out from his pillow. It is an old pillow that lacks a pillowcase, not that he doesn't have one, there's one in the pile of clean clothes he just dumped on the floor that he never got around to using. God, he really needs to get to actually putting away his clothes. He should probably do that now, while he's awake and nothing's stopping him.

The dark side turns in his bed to face away from the mess, pulling the weighted blanket up to his nose as he curls up.

Where those clothes even clean? He's probably mixed them up with his dirty ones already so if he tidies up then he'll just need to do a bunch of laundry. Laundry isn't hard, he just needs to shove everything in a basket and go to the washing machine. He wishes he was better at summoning, then he could just snap everything away and remake something new.

Would he even be able to do that? Maybe he's just not trying hard enough to summon things, he's probably just too lazy to it. After all, he gets rid of things with little to no effort so why is making something so hard? He really doesn't want to ask Remus to summon things for him again, last time he did all of Depression's clothes came with lice and the feathered side didn't even realize until he accidentally passed them onto the resident orange side who wasn't very happy with him.

Man, he really wants to fall back to sleep.

He has so much he needs to do though, clean his room, do laundry, eat something, take a fucking shower because it's been like a week and his hair is pretty gross.

Deceit came into his room the other day, probably saw how gross it was but at this point, the liar was probably use to him being like this. It was probably expected of him to a useless waste of space. He should at least try something to prove that wrong, even if it was just his own space.

Taking a deep breath, the depressive side sat up and swung his legs over the bed to face the music. His room was exactly the same as it was before, nothing stopping him from doing something, no one in his way.

He flops back down on his back, hands coming up to push against his eyes as they start to water. "Don't cry." He tells himself. "Literally nothing happened, don't cry." He wishes that was a lie, if he was lying then maybe Deceit would come and help him get back to sleep. It's not a lie though and Deceit has much better things to do that baby him, the others have it worse then he does anyway so with a few deep breaths, he shoves that sorrow back down in the darkness where it belongs and sits up.

If he does laundry, he'll have to do his blankets too which means he won't be able to sleep again right away so he can push that aside, if he's not doing laundry then he doesn't really care enough to clean up the garbage around his room. After his little pity party moment, he doesn't really feel like eating either which leaves showering.

Showering isn't so bad. If Depression showers than he'll feel better and be warmer and probably sleep better too. He doesn't have clean clothes to change into though, he'd either have to put back on what he's wearing or dig through the pile on the floor. Should he even bother taking a shower if he's going to crawl back into filth again? He doesn't think he has a towel or anything either to dry off. He can shower when he wakes up again anyway, that way he can use it to wake up.

Depression sighs and curls back up under the blanket, hugging his pillow and trying to block out his brains nagging at him to do something useful with himself.

Like it even matters if he does anything. No one's going to come to check on him anyway, not unless he starts being a problem.

No, he's just going to try and go back to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, I wrote this on Christmas eve in the basement of my grandma's house.
> 
> Thankfully I don't suffer from depression as badly as this anymore most of the time but it was nice to project for a bit. Lack of motivation is still a thing I deal with a lot tho so I'm with you there, my feathery boy


End file.
